I like the idea of writing novels, but they’re very hard to do. And they take a lot of time to write. So I asked myself, whats a way that I can continue writing novels, without giving even the slightest bit of effort. That’s how I became the creator and CEO of Novel in a Minute.
Novel in a minute is an ongoing series of really really short novels that you can read in a few minutes, and that I can write in about the same amount of time. Essentially, It is all of the novel with none of the effort.
Here are the rules to novel in a minute.
Rule # 1: THERE ARE NO RULES!
Rule # 2: Just kidding there are two rules.
Rule # 3: Make your novel really really really short by writing less words. Why less words? It’s easy. Less words=less time=less effort. Disagree, you say? Some single page poems take years to write, you say? Well, that’s where the second rule comes in.
Rule # 4: Make EVERYTHING up as you go. When you write the title, you must have no idea of what the content of the story, characters, instances, will be. When you write the first sentence, you must genuinely not know what will happen in the next sentence and when you write the second sentence you must… well, you get the drift. Everything must be impromptu.
Rule # 5: Absolutely, positively, no editing of material! (Because that would take effort).
Rule # 6: Whoops, there are actually three rules so disregard rule #2.
As you can tell, the explanation of the novel in a minute was written in accordance to the rules of novel in a minute. I highly doubt this will work, and I’m almost positive it will entertain nobody—not even I. But it’s not going to stop me from doing it, because I’m very determined at things. Yes. That’s me. Determined. So here we go. Come take a journey with me. Because the old ways of writing novels are old and boring. Having ‘themes’ and ‘points’ and being ‘relevant’ and blah, blah, blah. Suck it old people. It’s time for an update!
The Hounds of Sycamore. -A vampire story
My Novel starts out with several hounds that are tied to a sycamore tree. They are barking really loud and are making the people who pass by the sycamore tree really nervous (they don’t want to get bitten by the hounds). The owner of the hounds is a vampire. Why did he tie them to the sycamore tree? Well, it’s simple. He was walking the hounds, all 17 of them, and he was having such a good time, that he forgot the time. The sun was coming up. Shit, he said. He quickly tied the hounds to the sycamore tree and ran to his house before he exploded from the sunlight. “I hope my hounds will be alright during the day,” the vampire thought, before he closed off his blackout curtains and tucked himself into bed.
After several people companied of the belligerent hounds, The sheriff came around. His name was Bob. Yes, Bob the sheriff. He was simply a bad sheriff who made horrible decisions. One of the worst acts as sheriff, he ever made was to try and pass a law to make everybody in his town wear hats. “Even the babies?” the townsfolk asked. Yes. The sheriff said. They have plenty of baby hats you can purchase. The Sheriff almost had his way until an elegant townsman, rose up for the people and spoke his mind with eloquence during a town meeting and rallied support to oust the sheriff’s purposed hat law.
When the sheriff saw the dogs tied there, he thought about how dangerous this could be. How much potential there was for danger. So his first instinct was to shoot all the dogs. When the nearby townsfolk said, hey, wait a minute. Are you sure you don’t want to just shoot them with tranquilizer darts? Or just call animal control? Sheriff Bob, replied, “Nope. This is too volatile of a situation. But I will make sure to be humane and shoot them all in the head.”
The sheriff shot all of them in the head, besides one. While taking aim of the last dog, the elegant townsman, whose name was John Octopus, saw what was happening and ran towards, the sheriff. While yelling, noooooooooooo, he leapt up and attempted to push the arm of Sheriff Bob, but he was too late. The last bullet flew, but not before he was able to divert the target! The bullet missed the last hound’s head and struck his hind leg.
Look what you’ve made me do! Said the sheriff. Now, the poor dog will have to suffer before it dies. You, sir, are an animal! He then punched the elegant townsman in the face, took aim at the dog and fired. But he was all out of bullets. The townsman quickly got up, grabbed the dog and they fled together while he screamed, no sir, it is you who are the animal. You sir, you, are an animal!
End. Part 1.
Want to know what happens when the vampire finds out about his dead dogs? Or What consequences befall sheriff Bob? Or the elegant townsman, John Octopus? So do I. I seriously have no idea. Really, I promise I don’t. So stay tuned, subscribe for updates, and let me know what you think.