Gary: Hey y'all, it's me Gary with my boy Frankie and we're gonna talk about "The Girl" book series.
Frankie: Yeah, I mean, we at least think it's "The Girl" series because, like, all the titles have girls and women in them and stuff.
Gary: Yeah so we didn't actually read the series, so we're just going to talk about what we think the book series is about and shit. So yeah, here we go!
The Girl on the Train
G: Like, this book is mad crazy because, like, who puts a little girl on a train by herself?
F: Seriously! I feel like the whole book doesn't even try to answer this question. It just asks it over and over again while decribing in detail people staring at this little girl who is, by all accounts, alone, and on the train.
G: Yeah, like one person after the other, saying, "Why is that little girl by herself?"
F: Not even asking her–
G: "Does she smell bad? Is her chaperone in the bathroom? Is she lost? Where's her luggage?"
The Girl with Seven Names
G: What I like about this book is that it shows there's hope after divorce or widowhood.
F: Isn't it widowdum?
G: I mean you get what I'm saying. But yeah, this is a great sequal to The Girl on the Train I feel.
F: Yeah, it's like with the train book you never even wondered where she was going, but with this one you feel like she's arrived at several marriages/dead husbands.
The Girl with a Dragon Tattoo
G: ooh she's feeling rebellious right now.
F: I bet it's on her lower back.
The Girl with All the Gifts
G: It's like, after all that shit, like the train ride and dead lovers and tattoo parlor, it's finally Christmas?
F: or Hanukkah!
G: But man that's gotta feel shitty for all the people around her because, like, she got all the gifts but clearly didn't give them anything.
F: Maybe she's alone and so she got gifts but she's got no one to give them to? Because all her husbands are dead?
G: Oh man that's deeeeeeeeeeep.
G: Imma let you finish–
The Woman in Black
G: Oh she's all growed up and has her first LBD! You go girl!
F: Yeah she is so gonna take charge.
G: Unless she's going to a funeral again.
F: Oh damn.
The Silent Wife
G: Yep. Damn, girl.
F: She should get back on that train.
G: I mean, after all that, what would you have to say?
F: “Hey excuse me I’m looking for a tattoo removal place!”
The Timetraveler's Wife
G: Wow, didn’t see that coming—
F: Yeah, like, genre twist, am I right?
G: But maybe it’s good. Maybe her time-traveling husband, like, takes her back—
F: Back to the train!
G: Yeah! And she gets a redo! Because she goes back and chaperones the girl on the train!
F: Oh shit oh shit! And, like, she explains to the girl, like, about dead husbands and the irrevocable damage of an ill-placed tattoo of dubious aesthetics!
G: Yeah! Wait. What.
F: Forget it—this series is rad! Super rad!
G: Yeah! I totally give it 5 Rads!